We Rise by Lifting Others

The internet can be a very mean place. Today, I was searching for someone who runs a youtube channel, and came across a gossip forum. There were 30 pages dedicated to horrible comments about this woman.

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There were people who were quoting her videos and expressing how much they hated her. Well, why are you watching her if you think she’s that bad? It’s really simple. Stop watching her content. Block her channel, if you wish to. But, if you’re constantly watching her, just so you can belittle her, well, it says more about you than it does about her.

It’s disgusting how people think they can say anything, just because they’re hiding behind a computer screen. Why say something on the internet, that wouldn’t be able to say to their face? Honestly, all these people who talk rubbish, I’m sure they would not be able to take a single negative comment directed towards them.

There’s a lot of talk about kindness these days. So here’s how you start. Stop belittling people, just because you don’t agree with them. If you have nothing nice to say, stay quiet. It would be nice to remember that hatred corrodes the container in which it is carried.

A Reminder to Myself

This is my second post in one day. Your girl is on fire! Or is incredibly bored 😉

I talk a lot about self love here, and about how it has changed my life. But, self love is also about admitting your flaws and working on them.

I can be very judgemental. It’s something I need to work on. I even judge myself for who I used to be. I judge other people for their decisions or the way they conduct themselves. And it’s a terrible thing to do. I feel guilty for judging them, but I find myself doing it anyway.

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So this post is more for me, than for anyone else who is reading it.

Everyone’s doing their best. Perceptions differ. It’s like the story of the blind men and the elephant. The story talks about how some blind men described an elephant. One blind man, who touched the trunk said that the elephant was like a giant snake. Another one touched the ear, and said it was like a fan. One touched the tusk and said the elephant was dangerous like a spear.

Now, none of these men were wrong. They described what they felt. But to another person, it would’ve sounded completely wrong.

We’re all feeling our way through life, and dealing with it in different ways. Who’s to say what’s right or wrong?

So judge a little less, and let people be. You may not understand their point of view, but that does not make them wrong.

It would also serve you well to remember that life is an echo. You’ll only get judgement if that’s what you put out into the world.

Reflections

Today, I woke up feeling rather frazzled. A combination of not sleeping well, waking up later than I intended to, weird dreams, and a conversation with a certain someone, who reminded me of another certain someone in the past.

I’ve been okay for the most part, during the lockdown. To be honest, I’ve discovered things about myself, and made decisions about some goals. So, I’m actually quite thankful for this time which made me reflect.

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But there are some not so good days. I find myself craving for the freedom I took for granted. How wonderful was it, when you could just go to the local market, walk around and buy things, without worrying about infections and crowds. How wonderful was it, when you could travel and explore. Makes me realise how ungrateful I was. 

I don’t know when life will become normal again, but I know it will. And I promise to make the most of it, when it does. For now, I guess I’ll just focus on appreciating what I have, because you don’t know how beautiful something is, until it’s gone.

Exit Gracefully

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Letting go of something gracefully is an art. Most of us, myself included, are guilty of holding on to something that no longer serves us. A belief, a relationship, a habit or a friendship, it could be anything. Why is it that we hold on to things that prevent our overall growth?

I think it’s mostly because we don’t trust ourselves. We don’t trust that our soul knows the way, and that life will work out. We hold on to the familiar, sticking to our beloved comfort zones. It’s only when you let go of the familiar, that you make place for what’s unfamiliar.

Here’s what I think. If you don’t do it, there’s a good chance life will throw a lot of shit at you till you realise it’s time to let go. Lessons will be repeated until they are learnt. And when you do it at the right time, you give your subconscious the message that you trust it. Your relationship with yourself improves. And isn’t that the most important thing, after all?

Lessons learnt.

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  • Don’t be afraid to cut your losses. Spending more time on a mistake won’t fix it.
  • Trust your gut. It knows things! But you need to ensure it’s actually your gut feeling, and not something brought on by a bad experience in the past.
  • Life has a crazy way of working things out. Sometimes, you just need to trust it. 
  • Don’t fall for what you see on paper. It’s not always real. Reality is always more important than a resume/biodata or just the potential they show.
  • You’re not responsible for other people’s behaviour. Don’t justify their bad behaviour by wondering if you deserved it (unless you really did do something to deserve it)
  • Be wary of people who try to hard sell themselves and their qualities.
  • Avoid making decisions when you’re feeling off centre. 

Live a little

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As much as I wish it did, life does not come with an instruction manual. And when people suggest things or talk about their experiences, look at it objectively. What worked for them, may not work for you. 

So trust your gut over everything else. You may make mistakes, but they will teach you more than anyone else’s experience ever could. Ask for advice, but don’t follow it blindly. Read, but don’t take the written word, as the ultimate truth. 

Live your life. Work on yourself. And trust yourself. You know yourself, better than the world possibly could.

 

 

Don’t Let Their Energy Change Yours.

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You can only help the people, who want to be helped. Sometimes, they just want to wallow in their misery. And that’s fine, because everyone takes their own time to heal. But if they’re interested in wallowing, don’t waste too much energy on them. It’ll just drain you.

A couple of weeks ago, someone messaged me on Facebook. He had read my posts somewhere and wanted to talk to me. Well, I listened to him, and told him what I had done to heal. I suggested some things he could do. I spoke to him for about 2 weeks, and really tried to help. But, unfortunately, he wanted to be the victim. It was too comfortable. He told me clearly that he wasn’t willing to work on himself. I realised he just wanted to vent, and talk about how miserable he was, and about how much he hated his life. So, I told him I couldn’t do that. I could not entertain that kind of negativity.

It sucks, because this guy was where I had been a few years ago, and I truly wanted to help him. But, when I had been in his position, I was willing to accept help. I was willing to take charge of my life. 

I’m quite happy with the decision to cut him off. You have to protect your energy. It’s finite. Spend it on people or activities that make you happy. Be selective, and don’t give it to everything that calls your name. 

 

 

 

Learning and Unlearning

If you asked me about my day today, it would take me a while to answer you. I have mixed feelings about it.

The high point of my day was going for a drive. The lockdown isn’t as strict as it was, and people have started coming out. The last time I had gone out, it had depressed me. Everything was closed and gloomy. Today, however, I felt a sense of gratitude for these strangers I saw. It made me think of how we’re all in this together. And of how we’ll always find a way to persevere. “Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam” is a Sanskrit phrase which means ‘The world is one family”. I think I truly understood the meaning of this when I felt happiness on seeing strangers.

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So why the mixed feelings, you ask? Well, I’m still learning to accept parts of myself. I’m still learning that I am not my thoughts. I don’t need to feel bad for every negative or dark thought that passes through my mind. I’m not those thoughts, unless I dwell on them. Also, I’m unlearning what I thought love was. I can love someone a lot, and not like them in the moment, for something they said or did. And that’s fine. It doesn’t make me a bad person. It doesn’t mean I love them any less.

I guess I’m slowly giving myself the permission to have a not so good day. And making my peace with my mind. Sometimes, all you can say is ‘It is what it is’, and move forward. Sometimes, that’s what self love is.

 

Make it Happen.

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I read a lot. And that’s a wonderful habit, but I feel like I’m turning into a knower, instead of a doer.

There are some wonderful writers out there, and there’s so much to be learnt from their experiences. But the fact is, my experiences will never be exactly the same as someone else’s. So I need to do my own thing, set my own goals, and figure my path out. And stick to it, no matter what the books and articles say.

I know my two primary goals. But what I have to do, is continue to be sure I will achieve them, even when things aren’t looking great. I just need to trust myself on this.

And, I mustn’t allow myself to settle for less than what I want, just because it’s there.

Stay on the path, take action, till I get to my destination. But yes, I should enjoy the journey, and say yes to all the wonderful things life has to offer!