Aaina

Mujhe zindagi ke har mod par dhokha mila. Par kisi se gila shikwa nahi. Mujhe dhokha isliye mila kyunki main khud ko hi dhokha de rahi thi, khud se hi jhooth bol rahi thi.

Sach saaf dikh raha tha. Meri antar aatma bol rahi thi- mat ja uss raste. Par khud ke andar ki aawaz jo jhootha karar kar, main dusro par bharosa kar rahi thi.

Aaj himmat hai mujh mein ki apne aap ko dekh sakun. Apni galtiyan maan kar, apne aap ko hi maaf kar sakoon.

Log sirf ek aaina hai. Jo aapka rishta hai apne aap se, us aaine mein dikh jata hai. Khud se pyar karo. Khud ki baat maano. Khud par vishwas karo. Agar nahi chahte aapko koi dhokha de, kam se kam apne aap ko to dhokha dena band karo.

Make Good Choices

When someone says or does something that attacks your worth, it never really is about you. They are projecting their fears or inadequacy onto you. However, your acceptance or rejection of that attack, is in your hands. There is no absolute truth. Everything people say is an opinion.

You can accept their statements/behaviour as your truth, and allow it to guide your choices and decisions. But in this case, you’ll be taking decisions from a place of fear and inadequacy.

Or you can reject their opinions, continue to believe in yourself, and allow that to guide your choices. Here, you’ll be operating from a place of self confidence, self love, and abundance (or the opposite of lack).

This is your choice. But when you make the choice, the consequences are yours to bear. The person who attacked you in the first place, will not have to face the repercussions. Choose wisely.

Own your Worthiness

Stop apologising for existing. Stop apologising for taking up space. You deserve to be here. You are worthy, as you are.

Stop apologising for your body because it’s not perfect. Stop apologising for the time you failed. Stop apologising because you aren’t working. Stop apologising because you’re working too much. Stop apologising for the way you want to paint your face. Stop apologising for not being in a good mood. Stop apologising because someone made you feel that you’re not good enough.

Apologise when you cross someone’s boundaries and hurt them. Apologise when you can’t fulfil a commitment or promise. Apologise when you’re disrespectful.

Every time you apologise for existing, you abandon yourself, and tell yourself you’re unworthy. It never is about other people. You don’t need their validation, if you validate yourself. Exist Loudly!

Authenticity is Power

Why do so many of us struggle with being our authentic selves? I know I have had a tough time with it. It has taken me 32 years to really understand and accept that being ‘me’ is a gift. Flaws aren’t really flaws. They’re characteristics that make us who we are.

It took a lot of unlearning for me to get here. Sometimes, I still have to consciously make an effort to be authentic, and speak my truth. Especially when the truth is less than ideal. But I have noticed something. People don’t really care if your truth is imperfect. The right people most certainly don’t. Of course, there will always be people who put you down, but those aren’t the people you should be surrounding yourself with, anyway.

Being authentic is the way you accept yourself. Fully. And acceptance doesn’t mean you can’t work on yourself. In fact, any improvement starts with admitting where you currently are.

I know it took me a while to reach this place. But I am so glad I finally made it. I understand that it’s a never ending journey. However, now that I’ve tasted the joy that comes with being my authentic self, I think I will stick to this path.

Life update

I haven’t written here in a while. I’ve been…well…changing my life and thoughts. It occurred to me that I had been taking all my decisions and conducting my life from the same state of mind, for years. And then I was wondering why I was stuck in a rut. I forgot- Nothing changes, if nothing changes.

So, I decided to drop the ‘lack’ state, and shifted into a state of abundance and gratitude. Because there is abundance. Sure, we’ve been programmed to believe in, and function from a state of lack. But we’ve been programmed to believe a lot of crap which isn’t true. Before doing anything, I ask myself if I’m doing it from a place of abundance or one of fear/guilt/lack.

I’ve also made small changes in my daily life. I’ve finally started waking up and going to bed at a reasonable hour. I’ve made meditation a daily practice. And I have disconnected myself from social media. I’ve been making a conscious effort to sit with boredom, instead of running away from it by some form of stimulation.

Results? Well, I’m definitely more peaceful. My mind is quieter. And I have a better relationship with myself. Have I seen any big changes in my life? No. But I think it takes time. You chip away on your old thinking slowly, until day breaks and the shadows flee away.

Ebb and Flow

Everything is constantly changing, even if we don’t see the change. So why do we expect our feelings and emotions to remain the same?

Every relationship will have its ups and downs. You will not always feel the same depth of love towards anyone, be it your partner, your parents, your kids or your friends. Some days, you will like them. On other days, you will dislike them quite a bit. And of course, there will be days when you are overwhelmed by the love you feel for them. On very, very difficult days, you will hate them.

None of these emotions are wrong. Let them come and go. Enjoy the moments when you love them. Feel those deeply. And when you feel negative towards them, know that it’s not permanent.

We set ourselves up for disappointment when we think any of these feelings are permanent. We wonder if something is wrong with us or them when we don’t feel good or happy. But just by remembering that ebb and flow is the rhythm of living, we can have a more peaceful life.

Good Vibes Only??

I’m a self help junkie. I love self help books and TED talks. I’m all for the power of positive thinking and gratitude.

But every once in a while, I have to remind myself that while positivity is great, one mustn’t use it as an excuse to bury one’s head in the sand. If someone shows you their true colours, please don’t use positive thinking to imagine they’re not what they are showing you! That is denial. It might be a good time to take off those rose tinted glasses.

The last few months have been tough. And every time I tried to discuss my problems with a certain someone, he told me to not think about them. ‘Meet your friends’, ‘Go for a walk’, ‘Don’t overthink’- fucker tried every possible toxic positivity move on me, when he was responsible for a lot of the anxiety I was feeling, and he really could’ve solved the problem.

So I did what needed to be done. I did go for a walk. I walked away from him.

However, I wasted a lot of time. And I want this post to be a reminder to me. Being positive doesn’t mean being stupid. Being positive doesn’t mean being blind to reality. Being positive doesn’t mean switching off your brain, and denying logic.

Goodbye 2021

2021 is almost over. And what a year it was. It was an emotional roller coaster for me, with serious ups and downs.

I don’t think I handled my emotions well. I let myself get extremely overwhelmed, and dare I say, lost myself. But losing yourself is temporary. You always come back. You are the only permanent thing in your life.

Yet again, I realised that having a chokehold on things brings only pain. You have to let go of control. It’s absolutely impossible to control everything. I tried, and I ended up feeling completely emotionally and mentally exhausted.

It’s strange. Life keeps teaching me the same lessons, and I keep forgetting them. Oh well, they’ll sink in, eventually.

I’m ending the year on a positive note. I’m letting life be what it is. I pray I can stay calm, and can permanently let go of the need to control things

It’s all lies, darling.

Everyone lies. There’s no point adopting a holier than thou attitude. We’ve all lied about something or the other.

I think most people’s motive behind lying is self preservation. There are some people who have sinister motives, but I think generally it’s just something one does to protect oneself.

So where do you draw the line? What lies do you ignore? When does it become a problem? And why does it hurt so much when you’re on the receiving end? It’s never so bad when you’re doing it. You make excuses for yourself. You label it a fib or a white lie. Then why is it a red flag when someone else does it?

Are lies really the problem? Or is it that they got caught? Is it okay to lie if your intentions aren’t bad? Is it okay if your parents lie to you? Their intentions were to protect you. Is it okay if your partner lies to you? Their intentions were to protect the relationship. Is it okay to lie to yourself? The intention was to stay hopeful and look at the positives.

We are so quick to label people. He’s a liar, he’s honest, whatever. I don’t think it is that simple. I don’t think you can see life in black and white. Grey, baby. It’s all grey. All the magic happens in grey.

Faith over fear

I am going to take a leap of faith. I am choosing to listen to my heart, ignoring the voices in my head, and those around me.

It is a risk. But what is life without a little risk? I am putting my fears on the side, and running with my heart. It will be okay. I will be okay. I have faith in myself, and in my God. We will find a way.

It may not be the smartest move, but it is what I need to do. Nothing changes if nothing changes. And now, it’s time to make a change.